The GWARsons
by gojirules
Summary: GWAR has taken over the city of Elmore, prompting the Wattersons to go after them, with help from old enemies of the band.


*gumball and darwin are playing video games*  
(the tv switches over to the news)  
reporter : we interrupt this regularly scheduled program to bring you this important message : the almighty GWAR has invaded elmore , lock your doors , board up your windows

(GWAR bursts in to the newsroom and stomps the reporter to death)

blothar : GREETINGS HUMAN SCUM , WE ARE THE MIGHTY GWAR , WE ARE TAKING OVER YOUR TOWN , THERE IS NO ESCAPE , YOUR WORLD IS OURS

(gor gor walks in through the hole made by GWAR and munches on the camera , effectively shortening the report)

(the tv turns snowy)  
Gumball: pfff- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *looks serious* that nigga's about to get no scoped

Darwin: YEAH

nicole: what are you boys talking about

Gumball: we were playing video games when the news came on saying there's an attack by some people named GWAR

Darwin: yeah, they said their going to rule the world!  
Gumball: but I think the news is messing with us

Darwin: their tottally messing with us, if they are real, we'd no scope em' and I mean blowing em up with a scope gun.  
Gumball: yeah.  
(the wattersons hear a knock on the door)  
gumball : i'll get it (answers the door and finds penny , bruised and battered , who falls over)  
Darwin: GAH, what the fishpaste?  
Gumball: PENNYY!

Darwin: is she ok?  
Gumball: *turns to Darwin and the others* it's no time for answers, grab a gun Darwin, Anis, mom, dad, SH*t just got real!  
darwin : i guess the media wasn't lying after all

Gumball: I know *goes demonic* THEIR GONNA PAAYYYY *grabs out a gun puts on mlg jacket along with his shades and runs out with his family who also gets guns* GWAAAAAAARR WHERE ARE YOU

(a explosion occurs in the distance and the wattersons rush to it and find the ruins of elmore junior high)  
*miss simian's body parts falls in front of GUmball and Darwin*  
Gumball: YES! the ape woman is dead!  
Darwin: WOO HOO!  
Gumball: ALRIGHT NO MORE SCHOOL!  
Darwin: but wait, don't you want to avenge Penny?  
Gumball: RIGHT!

*the wattersons go to find gwar*  
Gumball: WERE ARE YOU GWAR bobert : they went through here

(the wattersons turn and find tina with the other students on her back)  
Gumball: thanks, are those students ok Tina?  
Darwin: no time! we gotta stop gwar!  
Gumball: yeah!  
*they go through where they've been*  
gumball : so bobert , what do you know about these guys

darwin : (whispering) dude , what makes you think he'll know a thing about them

gumball : (whispering) duh , he's a robot

bobert : you are correct organic units , i have a memory of hearing their origins (plays his memory)  
voice : Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master. But they became too powerful, and too defiant, and for their endless atrocities were banished to the most insignificant planet in the galaxy...the seething mudball known as Earth. Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world de-thawed them from their endless coma... now they live, defiling the heavens, ravaging the Earth, and claiming Hell as their personal playground, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, prepare yourselves human filth, and grobble in the presence of your ultimate overlords, prepare yourselves, for GWAR!  
(memory stops)  
Darwin: any sight of Gwar yet?  
Gumball: nope, COME SHOW YOUR SELVES YOU COWARDS

bobert : i have a plan , we relocate the bodies of their slain enemies and reanimate them through cybernetics

tina : i can smell them out

Gumball: good idea

Darwin: soon we will find them.  
*they keep looking everywhere*  
(soon , they have gathered the parts , and bobert gets to work rebuilding the fallen warriors)  
(after hours in the lab rebuilding the corpses , he finishes and activates them)  
bobert : all systems , full power

(the robotic warriors activates)  
mr. perfect : WHAT THE , WHERE AM I , HOW AM I HERE

edna p. granbo : what happened , i remember dying , but how am i alive again

skulhedface : what happened to me

the master : what is this place

bobert : greetings fallen warriors , i know all of you are very different , but i know all of you have a common enemy , GWAR

mr. perfect : did you say GWAR

bobert : that's right , we need your help to defeat them

(bobert and the fallen warriors exit the lab)  
bobert : every1 , i'd like you to meet the fallen warriors

edna p. granbo : i am edna p. granbo , leader of the morality squad

corporal punishment : i am corporal punishment , U.S. army super steroid soldier

dr. d. bill attaited : dr. d. bill attaited

skulhedface : i am dr. skulhedface

mr. perfect : i am mr. perfect

jewcifer : i am jewcifer

Hot Dog Guy: *doing push ups*  
Gumball: uhm, what are you doing?  
Hot Dog Guy: I'm getting ready to fight against Gwar! I just need to excercise and get some guns going and then I'll be ready!  
Darwin: oh, makes sence

bobert : (to the fallen warriors) you were saying

granbo : we will help you defeat our mutual enemy GWAR

jewcifer : they have banged us up bad

mr. perfect : and now they must pay

skulhedface : yes , and just this once , i , the insidiously evil dr. skulhedface will be the insidiously good dr. skulhedface

corporal punishment : it's time GWAR faces their ultimate downfall

the master : it's time they learn the meaning of the word wrath

jewcifer : it's time the hunter becomes the hunted

granbo : it's time their antics are ended

Hot Dog Guy: hey! I will too! and soon I'm going to be the strongest warrior out of all of you. together we shall succesfully defeat GWAR once we find him and once I get into shape

*doing exercises and talking at the same time*  
Gumball: HECK YEAH

Darwin: YEAH

Gumball: THEY DESERVE IT FOR HURTING MY GIRL PENNY!  
mr. perfect : a perfect insinuation

granbo : let operation decadence stall 2 begin , GWAR MUST DIE

Hot Dog Person and others: YEEEEEEAHH!  
Hot Dog Person: now come on guy's! lets go find em *doing curl ups with dumbells while looking*  
Gumball: so, what's our plan to destroy them?  
mr. perfect : 1st , we must find them

(meanwhile , in the outskirts of elmore)  
blothar : those humans are so pitiful

(a slave appears before blothar)  
blothar : what's that , some1 is about to attack us

(the slave nods yes)  
blothar : who , who

(the elmorians and the fallen warriors appear before GWAR)  
balsac : our fallen enemies

granbo : yes , it is i , edna granbo

skulhedface : and i , the insidiously evil dr. skulhedface

jewcifer : and i , jewcifer

mr. perfect : and i , mr. perfect

granbo : well GWAR , you should be proud of yourselves , slaughtering the masses , well let's see how you fare against us now , GWAR , we're gonna finish you once and for all , and now my fellow patriots , let us mobilize the morality squad

balsac : COME ON , WE BEAT YOU ALL BEFORE AND WE'LL DO IT AGAIN

blothar : CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE

(the morality squad and GWAR do battle)

granbo : (singing) We're the Morality Squad

Armed with the wrath of God

My name is Granbo

And here's my holy hot-rod

Freedom to all the people

Brave, true and strong

Freedom to all the people

Unless I think you're wrong!

Blasphemy

Rapist mentality

Teen suicide

Necro-bestial anal butt sex, ooh

I got a couple of friends here

Trained by the CIA

Special agents here

To blow you the hell away

GWAR, you're the worst

I'll put an end to you

You're even grosser

Than 2 Live Crew

My grandson's a super hero

Just back from the war in Iraq

corporal punishment : Well my name is Corporal Punishment I wanna scratch your back

granbo : My nephew Tiny A hundred tons a man

tiny : Aarargrgaggrgrg

(GWAR finishes off the morality squad as the song ends)  
balsac : i told you we'd beat you again

skulhedface : well , i gues it's my turn , and now GWAR , prepare to face the wrath , of the new improved flesh column

(skulhedface summons the flesh column and gets on it , and GWAR and the flesh column do battle)  
Hot Dog Guy: PREPARE TO BE DEFEATED *slicing gwar with his chainsaw using his large muscles*  
(jizmak smashes the hot dog guy with his hammer and rejoins his scumdog brothers in battle)  
(pustulus stabs a spear in to the flesh column)  
pustulus : how's about a little piercing skulhed

(skulhedface pulls a lever , which activates a gun underneath the flesh column's wrist which sprays GWAR with bile)  
skulhedface : seems the tables have turned , but i have a offer , surrender , and we will leave you in 1 piece

(blothar thinks about it)  
blothar : F*** YOU SKULHED

(GWAR continues battling the flesh column)  
skulhedface : a rather harvel suggestion , but , a rather delightful 1 , you see , it is you who is , well and truly , f***ed

(jizmak comes up from behind and smashes skulhedface with his hammer , then GWAR dismantles the flesh column)  
beefcake : it was harder last time , but whatever

jewcifer : it's my turn , alright GWAR , it's time to face the wrath of the new improved jewcifer

*the ghost of hot dog person goes out of the body and watch's them*  
hot dog ghost person: good luck guys *whispery*  
*the warriors are fighting against gwar*  
(jewcifer and GWAR do battle)  
*Jewcifer trying hard to defeat GWAR*  
(blothar impales jewcifer with his sword , then dismantles him)  
ghost hot dog guy: *goes into blothar to possess him* hello, I'm blue guy and I'm gonna kill myself *makes him punch himself* ha ha, stop punching your self Blue Guy stop punching your self

pustulus : GET IT TOGETHER BLOTHAR , YOU'RE OUR LEADER , SO ACT LIKE 1

(blothar slaps himself out of it)  
blothar : you're right , that was the demon talking

Hot Dog Guy Ghost: *goes out of him and giggles quietly* heheh I love messin with blothar, I wonder what else I can do with him X3

(mr. perfect steps up)  
mr. perfect , alright , it's mr. perfect's turn (mr. perfect beats Blothar up)  
(blothar impales mr. perfect with a spear and balsac bites mr. perfect's head off)  
*the master stands*  
the master : ok GWAR , it's time to finish what we started millions of years ago

balsac : please , we kicked your ass once and we'll do it again *they begin fighting each other*  
blothar : we need gor gor

(just then , gor gor appears and tears the master to shreds)  
*Gor Gor eyes Tina Rex, pins her down and rapes her*  
Hot Dog Guy Ghost: oh sick! *barfs up some ectoplasam in a trashcan*  
(hot dog ghost fades away)  
Gumball: YOU! YOUR THE ONE WHO HURT PENNY!  
Darwin: YEAH

blothar : oh , you mean that golden girl , yeah , we fucked her up badly

balsac : (to darwin) greetings , fish boy

darwin : how do you know who i am

balsac : oh , you don't know me , but i know of you (grabs darwin) i'll let you in on a little secret , (whispering) i killed darwin the 1st

Darwin: *GASP* (slaps him) BAD, BAD METALMOUTH

Balsac: are you for real, man

Darwin: yeah, I'm for real.  
balsac : i say we feed you to gor gor (to the other GWARriors) what do you guys say

blothar : why not

beefcake : he hasn't been getting his seafood lately

Darwin: you can't feed me to him, I taste like fish

Balsac: YOU THINK

Darwin: yeah, I think

balsac : that was sarcasm

Darwin: I get it

Balsac: Nevermind that, it's feeding time

Gumball: OH NO YOU DON'T JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT AWAY WITH HURTING PENNY DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH FEEDING DARWIN TO YOUR DINOSAUR *starts trying to free Darwin from Balsac's grip*  
balsac : ya know , maybe you're right (drops darwin on the ground and stomps on his legs) i think it'd be more fun to give gor gor some excercise while having a meal Gumball: what do you mean by that?  
Darwin: he's going to chase us isn't he?  
(balsac calls gor gor over)  
balsac : (to gumball and darwin) you might wanna start running now (to darwin) or at the very least , crawl

darwin: oh, what do you know, we should start running.  
*they start running and screaming from Gor Gor*  
Gumball: AAAAAAAHHH THIS IS JUST CRUELTY

darwin : go on without me

Gumball: I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU BEHIND *picks him up and carries him while running*  
(meanwhile , GWAR turns toward the other wattersons and the elmore junior high students)  
blothar : (to the toher GWARriors) what do you guys say we have some fun

beefcake : i'm right behind you

(GWAR wields their weapons and charges toward the elmorians)  
(the wattersons lead their own charge)  
*GWAR, the wattersons, and the elmore junior high students do battle*  
(meanwhile , with gumball and darwin)  
gumball : this thing just won't give up

Darwin: we'll just bore it to death, litterly

gumball : i don't think that's gonna work

darwin : yeah you're right

(gor gor snatches darwin)  
Gumball: *tries to free him* LET HIM GO

darwin : it's too late for me , just go back and help the others

Gumball: *goes to help the others*  
(gor gor devours darwin)  
Gumball: YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT (gumball returns to the rest of the gang as they are nearly defeated)  
Gumball: *starts attacking enemies*  
blothar : well , boy , i'm surprised you survived gor gor

balsac : but since you're here

jizmak : we'll do the honor of killing you ourselves

Gumball: hm, so how long have you had gor gor? since you were babies? yeah I'll bet so. . .  
balsac : since 1992

Gumball: yeah, and I'll bet you'd cry forever if Gor Gor died from a freak accident. . .  
beefcake : not really

pustulus : besides we can revive him

Gumball: *thinks a bit* hmm, oh really? how so?  
blothar : 2 words : radioactive crack

Gumball: so, that's like, a superpower or something?  
blothar : no not really

Gumball: then where do you get this " Radioactive Crack" you speak of?  
blothar : it doesn't come from anywhere special

(pustulus whacks gumball in the head with his club)  
pustulus : I'M GETTING TIRED OF THIS KID

Blothar: I say we split him on the wheel

Gumball: anyways, if it's from nothing special where's it from huh?  
(GWAR brings out the wheel and straps him to it)  
blothar : pustulus , would you like to do the honors

pustulus : nothing would make me happier (pulls out a dagger and prepares to mutilate gumball)  
Gumball: you can rip open my head or even my torso, but I shall never surrender

Blothar: SILENCE HUMAN FILTH, nobody can save you now

Balsac: Blothar, we got company

(Blothar turns and sees the Elmorians and the Wattersons have gotten back up)  
Blothar: (to Gumball) we'll deal with you later (joins his scumdog brothers in battle)  
(Gor Gor returns)  
Gor Gor: *licks his lips and then eats Bobert, Masami, Alan, Carmen, Molly, Leslie, Teri, Carrie, Banana Joe, Anton, Rachael, and Tobias up chewing them and tasting their blood*  
GUmball: 0_0 I HATE YOU GOR GOR

*richard and nicole try beating up the other badguy's*  
(beefcake kicks richard in the gut and blothar returns his attention to gumball)  
blothar : i can't believe you have these idiots fighting on your side

Gumball: so what's your weakness?  
blothar : don't have 1

balsac : and even if we did , we certainly wouldn't tell you

Gumball: whateve's

blothar : same to you human filth

Gumball: nah, your human filth

blothar : WHAT WAS THAT

gumball : nothing

(blothar glares at gumball , then punches him in the gut)  
blothar : that's what i thought

Gumball: whatever

(GWAR captures the wattersons)  
pustulus : what do ya say we do with these assholes

blothar : we humiliate them (snaps his fingers , and the slaves bring out the biledriver , with which blothar sprays the wattersons)  
Nicole: NOO I HATE BEING WET GRRR

pustulus : i guess all these rumors i've heard about cats hating water are true (he and jizmak fist bump)  
Gumball: YOU MONSTERS

Balsac: it's a living

Gumball: I'LL KILL YOU (struggles to get free from the wheel)  
Richard: *breaks off the seals to free him* there you go

Gumball: thanks :D

Richard: THAT'S PAY BACK FOR GETTING ME AND MY WIFE WET

anais : and me too

beefcake : you assholes should know who you're dealing with by now

Gumball: so? the thing is I just got freed so you can't get us

balsac : oh , can't we

(GWAR captures the wattersons)  
Gumball: let us go!  
blothar : nobody can save you now

Rocky: *is still alive and starts trying to free them* don't worry guy's I've got you!  
blothar : a hairy tangelo , that's the best you can do

penny : i came too

pustulus : well , seems deer girl has returned

penny : yes , but i didn't come alone

(the destructos appear)  
techno : alright , GWAR , it's time to finish this once and for all

bozo : we will make you suffer

sawborg : you will not survive this time

beefcake : please , we kicked your asses before and we'll do it again

(cardinal syn appears from another area)  
syn : your end has come

balsac : psh , like we said , we'll kick all your asses just like we did before

*the new hero's begin to fight Gwar*  
techno : we'll go 1st (to GWAR) alright GWAR , it's time to finish this once and for all , it's time you faced your ultimate destruction

(bozo plays a instrumental version of "the private pain of techno destructo" on a jukebox , then joins his brothers in battle)  
techno : We got gas and oil flowing through our veins

We got wire and plastic in our brains

We are the Destructos!  
We're the Destructos!  
We got steel in our skulls, harder than rocks

and rubber and iron in our cocks!

all 3 destructos : GWAR must die!  
GWAR must die!  
GWAR must die!  
GWAR must DIIIIIIIE!

bozo : We were all put on this earth to suffer,  
sawborg : We each have our own private pain.  
techno : We must pass this pain onto our brother,  
sawborg : A never ending cycle starts again.

all 3 destructos : You can't kill us

You won't break us

You can't kill us

You won't break us

Chain us, Beat us

Cut us, Kick us

Whip us, Strip us

Burn us, EAT US!

You'll just make us

techno : We came to this planet to get our men

to conquer the world with them

We are the Destructos!  
We're the Destructos!  
We said "come with us, fly into the sun!"

but they said "FUCK NO

We're having to much fun!"

all 3 destructos : GWAR must die!  
GWAR must die!  
GWAR must die!  
GWAR must DIIIIIIIE!

techno : We were all put on this earth to suffer,  
bozo : We each have our own private pain.  
sawborg : We must pass this pain onto our brother,  
techno : A never ending cycle starts again.

techno : You can't kill us bozo : You won't break us sawbog : You can't kill us bozo : You won't break us

all 3 destructos : Chain us, Beat us Cut us, Kick us Whip us, Strip us Burn us, EAT US!  
You'll just make us techno : STRONGER!

(blothar whacks techno in the head with his shield as the song ends , then GWAR summons gor gor , who disarms the destructos , who flee the scene)  
techno : you may have won this time , but mark my words , this is only the beginning (he and the other destructos leave)  
(cardinal syn steps up to GWAR and summons his forces)  
syn : Unsheathe the sword, call the death squad

Let loose the dogs, make me your God

Curse the Earth, stretch forth thy rod

Get on your knees, make me your God

(GWAR and syn's forces do battle , with GWAR coming out on top)

syn : Unleash the nuns, sent to Earth

Enslave the man, make me your

God Suffer the plague, send the sky

Declare unclean, my God machine

Number the beasts, sound the horn

Suffer the wrath, bring me your first born

Cardinal Syn has come to free us

Source of power Cyber Fetus!

(GWAR faces syn and is overpowered by him)

syn : I am Cardinal Syn worship me or know damnation!  
(GWAR summons gor gor , who defeats syn , who's disembodied head flies away from the scene)  
balsac : like i said , easy as pie

Gumball: this isn't over

(gumball fights them)  
(the fight continues with Gumball winning)  
(blothar whacks gumball with his shield)  
Gumball: AAAH

blothar : such a weak minded fool

(pustulus walks in with penny)  
pustulus : what do ya say we do to his girlfriend here

blothar : what else , put her on the wheel

Gumball: IF YOU KILL PENNY I'LL MAKE YOU ALL WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN - FIRERAGE -  
pustulus : AWWWW (whacks gumball with his club , effectively knocking him out) SHUT UP

Nicole: HEY YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT *attacks pustulus*  
beefcake : what do you say we make deer girl watch her boyfriend suffer

blothar : good idea , and he won't even be awake to know what happened Penny: DON'T HURT HIM DX blothar : it's too late for that

penny: no it's not! *goes and tries to free him8

balsac : ya know , it's a good thing we knocked the 1 kid out , otherwise he would've screamed after getting a axe blow to the head (prepares to strike gumball with his axe)  
Penny: *gets in the way of the ax and her shell is broken off*  
balsac : seems we were wrong about your love , no matter (strikes the axe again)  
Penny: *gets in the way again*  
balsac : if you wanna die too , that can be arranged

Penny: well good, maybe we can die together.  
balsac : suit yourself

Penny: yeah whatever (gumball wakes up as balsac prepares another strike)  
(the survived elmorians attack gwar)  
(GWAR goes to battle after balsac kicks gumball in the gut)  
Gumball: OOF, you will fall!  
pustulus : unlikely

Gumball: yeah, keep talkin till ya see your death. . .  
jizmak : uh , we're immortal

Gumball: maybe we can get rid of that immortality some how. . .  
beefcake : the only person who knows how is mr. perfect , and he's dead (captures anais and holds his sword to her throat)  
Anis: LET ME GO DX

beefcake : fat chance

Anis: *struggles to get free*  
(jizmak captures nicole and holds her in a wristlock)  
jizmak : what do ya think we oughta do with this bitch

blothar : what else , break her on the rack (snaps his fingers , and 2 slaves roll in a rack , to which jizmak straps nicole)  
Nicole: *tries to escape*  
blothar : (to gumball and penny) as for you 2 (slams gumball on the head with the hilt of his sword , knocking him out) your fate will be sealed soon enough

Nicole: YOU WILL PAAAAY (jizmak whacks her with a club)  
jizmak : QUIET

Nicole: OW GRRR *bites jizmaks finger and doesn't let go*  
(pustulus pulls her off)  
jizmak : thank you

pustulus : no problem

Nicole: I'LL MAKE YOU PAY DEARLY

(Penny checks on Gumball)  
Gumball: *looks at penny* how did it come to this?  
penny : i don't know , all i know is we'll make it through this , i promise Gumball: right (passes out)  
Penny: *waits by him*  
(at the battle)  
(GWAR and the elmorians are evenly matched)  
*nicole tries to escape*  
(pustulus whacks her with his club)  
*she keeps trying to attack pustulus*  
(anais is thrown toward penny and gumball)  
anais : how's gumball doing

penny : he's fine , still passed out , but fine

nicole: you'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS

pustulus : oh , but we already have

nicole: prove it

pustulus : see for yourself

Nicole: *sees and jaw drops*  
pustulus : that's right , we're unbeatable

Nicole: *sigh's* were doomed

pustulus : don't feel too bad , soon , all your heads will adorn the GWAR temple

Nicole: I'LL MURDER YOOOOOUUUU

pustulus : that won't be possible since we're immortal

(GWAR is surprised by the sudden appearance of FBI vans)  
*detectives and people of the FBI step out*  
*GWAR wields their weapons and goes to combat*  
*FBI starts attacking with their weapons*  
(meanwhile , FBI agents on motorcycles battle gor gor)  
(after a while , GWAR is defeated and apprehended)  
(afterward)  
detective : yeah , the group's name is GWAR , they've been pullin' this stunt for 30 years , but thanks to you all , they can be brought to justice

(GWAR is loaded in to a van)  
agent : you're going to be locked away forever

(gor gor , who has been muzzled and bound to a dolly is loaded in to a van)  
(the FBI leaves)  
Nicole: well I guess were going home now (tina starts wailing in pain)  
gumball : is something wrong

tina : i don't feel so good

(lays a clutch of eggs , which hatch in to t rexes that look like a combination of tina and gor gor)  
alternate ending 1 :

blothar : hold on , balsac , these guys have proven their skill , we shall let them live

balsac : fine

blothar : (to the elmorians) alright motherfuckers , this battle is over

beefcake : we're calling it a draw

Gumball: lets go home now

(everybody returns home)  
(at tina's place , tina has laid a clutch of eggs , and t rexes similar to gor gor and tina hatch)

alternate ending 2 :

(balsac swings his axe , and gumball and penny are killed)  
Richard: YOU KILLED MY SON HOW DARE YOU *starts attacking gwar*  
(blothar rips richard open and pulls out his innards)  
*richard dies as Anis screams in horror*  
Anis:DAAAD DX (balsac bites anais' head off)  
the other elmorians attack gwar*  
(GWAR slaughters them all , rips open tina , and pulls out a clutch of eggs , which hatch in to t rexes that look like a combination of tina and gor gor)


End file.
